Sculptures

The True Cost of Not Flossing

In his previous life as a dentist, Bob Bleier would preach to any and everybody about the dire, nay, apocalyptic consequences of NOT flossing. He would petrify school-children with tales of a dystopian society filled with zombie-like non-flossers if those children missed flossing FOR A SINGLE DAY. Today, Bob's backyard plays host to sculptures that prove him all too right.

This is the Floss family. That's Bob Floss, the dad, at the right, trailed by his lovely wife Merium Floss, with darling daughter Alicia Floss at the left, and their faithful dog Yogafloss drinking the muddy water. The Floss family flossed regularly, nay, obsessively! But it paid off; look how healthy and happy this family is!!!
TV's favorite family, The Flosses.
Who are these derelict and decaying individuals? Why, they're the Nonfloss family. That's Madge Nonfloss glaring down at poor, hapless son Josh, with the gnarled torso of dad Jerry Nonfloss looking down disapprovingly.
The scary and lamentably unhealthy Nonflosses
A close-up of Madge and Josh Nonfloss. Do YOU wish to be part of this dysfunctional, toothless, decayed familial entity? No?! Well then, you better FLOSS DAILY, nay, HOURLY, or your fate will MATCH THEIRS!!
A close-up of truly decaying and dysfunctional Mom and Josh Nonfloss

 

The Backyard Sculpture of Merium Bleier

Bob Bleier created an amazing sculpture of the love of his life, Merium Bleier. This sculpture stood vigil in the backyard of the family home for many years, until nature and the elements took their toll.

Bob Bleier's amazing backyard sculpture. Standing to the left is Bobby's Muse, Merium.
The larger-than-life backyard sculpture of Meriumd
The Larger-Than-Life sculpture of Merium with both the Muse and the Sculptor by its sides.
The larger-than-life backyard sculpture of Meriumd
The backyard sculpture with the Sculptor, Bobby, at the right, in the sweats & "Fitness Center" T-Shirt.
The larger-than-life backyard sculpture of Meriumd

 

 

These surreal sculptures of Warped Humans, Dragons, Horses and Beasts of unkown or long-forgotten origin, are the work of neighborhood-renowned Dentist-Turned-Sculptor Robert Bleier. Click on any image for a larger view.

Just Out of the Kiln - August 2013!
Diane Centaurus

This statue, "Bronze Man and Centaur", was created around 700 BC and stands approximately 6 inches tall. It resides in the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and it served as Bobby's Inspiration for...
Bronze Man and Centaur, the Inspiration for Diane Centaurus
...The wonderful, brand-spanking new Diane Centaurus! But it wasn't always this pristine...
Just out of the kiln, Diane Centaurus
Initially, this piece of its tushy came out first! Detached from the rest of the Diane Centaurus, this right cheek thought it was destined to go it alone.
Big broken piece of Diane Centaurus
But luckily, Diane Centaurus felt certain something was missing. The more she thought back on it, the more convinced she was that she left something in the kiln behind her.
Diane Centaurus, worried about her behind
After filling out all required forms in triplicate, she got Sculptor Bob to give her cheek back.
Diane Centaurus is whole once again
Once Diance notices the Sculptor's signature, she knows she is whole again.
Diane feels confidence with the Sculptor's signature on her tush.
Diane Centaurus, convinced she is whole, radiates with pleasure and satisfaction.
Diane Centaurus radiating with pleasure
Diane, from the right, hands clasped in prayer that no other body part falls off.
Diane is praying that the other cheek doesn't fall off
See, Diane! No problems with this backside view! You are quite whole!
Backside view of Diane, confirming that all is whole back there
Diane's smile lights up the room.
Diane and her wonderful smile
Three Quarters view of Diane and her Sculptor's signature.
Three-Quarters back view of Diane Centaurus
Diane Centaurus, pleased and resplendent, thinks back on early worries.
Side view of Diane Centaurus
She thinks back to the first minutes out of the kiln, when she couldn't find her tushy with two hands and a flashlight. But Sculptor Bob came to the rescue, and all is now wonderful.
Garage view of Diane Centaurus and her creator, Sculptor Bob

 

November 2012 - Blue Baby Arrives!!

The Blue Baby arrives! Parents Blue Girl and Blew Boy couldn't be prouder! With a thick, healthy mane and a strange-eyed steed, the Blue Baby is set to take the world by storm!
The Blue Baby arrives on his trusted steed!
The Blue Baby was born without a musical instrument. That will change soon.
Side view of the Blue Boy and wild-eyed steed
The Blue Baby and his wild-eyed ride are already plotting their first expeditions.
The Blue Baby and his wild ride!
The aero-dynamic lines of bird and baby make them ideal for flying fast and loose.
Side view of the aerodynamic Blue Baby and steed
Notice the strange eyes of the Blue Baby's bird/horse? The better to see you with.
The Blue Baby steed and its wild eyes
An R-rated view of Blue Baby's tushy. But try to keep your eyes on the wings of the wild-eyed steed, who can speed Blue Baby from school room to nap room and back in an instant!
Tushy View of the Blue Baby
Another tushy view of the Blue Baby.
But oh, what a tushy he has
A close-up of Blue Baby and wild-eyed steed. How does he see through those things?
Close-up of Blue Baby and Steed
Note the tail, which doubles as a leg of the tripod. Great for quick take-offs and landings.
The Blue Baby's steed's tripod-doubling tail
Blue Baby & Steed with landing gear lowered.
Blue Baby and Steed from the side
They make a great team, Blue Baby and steed, but what about Mom and Dad?
Blue Baby yearning for a reunion with Mom and Dad
At last! The Blue Baby joins his father Blew Boy, and mother Blue Girl, on the dining room table. With mom on guitar and dad on the horn, the Blue Baby is a lock on vocals!
Together at last! Blue Girl, Blew Boy and Blue Baby!

 

May 2012 - !!! Blue Girl !!!

The proud Sculptor and his latest creation, just before entering the Kiln. Just a quick firing, then some glaze, and she'll be ready!!!
Bobby and the Blue Girl, Just Before the Big Kiln Blow-up
Ooops. It doesn't look like there's any hope after this "wardrobe malfunction".
The Blue Girl, Post-Kiln, All Blown Up!
But wait! With a little patchwork, glaze and some major TLC, the Blue Girl is Resurrected!!
The Blue Girl Resurrected!!
She looks perfect! No sign of the Kiln explosion on this beautiful instrumentalist!!
Three Quarter View of the Resurrected Blue Girl
Side view of Blue Girl. Notice that she's got her hands in close for a high note. Tres cool.
Left Side View of Post-Blown-Up, Fully Resurrected Blue Girl
If you were backing up the Blue Girl on drums, this is how you'd see her.
Resurrected Blue Girl; Drummer's View
A tushie view of the Blue Girl. She looks good from ANY angle!
Full Frontal Blewdity - The Blew Boy Blowing the Blues
And this is how she'd look if you were accompanying her on keys.
Accompanyist's View of the Fully Resurrected Blue Girl
Another side view of the Blue Girl blues player. This young lady can twiddle that fiddle.
Right Side View of Completely Resurrected Blue Girl
 
The Blue Girl does NOT take requests.
Unless you request some Wes Montgomery.
The Blue Girl, Strummin' the Blues
The Blue Girl always plays with a smile on her face! Just like the great Billy Higgins.
Look at that Smile! A Close-Up of the Blue Girl
A close-up of the Blue Girl as she performs her rendition of the Wes Montgomery classic
"Beaux Arts". Her improv solo might even get a nod from the master himself.
One Final Fantasy Closeup - The Blue Girl Strummin' the Blues

 

December 2011
The Blew Boy!

This is the Blew Boy! Get it?!?! He's Blue, and he Blew? No THAT'S madcap comedy!
The Blew Boy - Blowing at a Blues Club near you!
Blew Boy in his natural habitat.
The Blew Boy in his natural habitat. This room has great acoustics for the Blews!
Tushie view of the Blew Boy.
Tushie View of the Blew Boy blowing.
The Blew Boy, who by the way is blue, can blow your ears off with his blues horn.
Side View - The Blew Boy
Because the Blew Boy, (Who, as we mentioned earlier, plays the blues) plays so long and loud, his face often turns... wait for it... it's coming... blue.
Closeup, Other Side - The Blew Boy Blowing the Blues
I don't know how many more Blew/Blue gags I can come up with.
3/4 View - The Blue/Blew Boy Blowing
Can you do the Blew/Blue humor better? Let's hear what you've got! Email your best Blew/Blue gag in to NoReply@NonexistantBlewBlueEmailAddress.org
(We had to use .org, because NonexistantBlewBlueEmailAddress.com was already taken)
Another Closeup - Count the Nose Hairs of the Blew Boy
Another tushie view of the Blew Boy blues player. He sure can blow.
Another in a Series of Tushie Views of Our Favorite Blew Boy
I'm trying to come up with a gag that involves Blew, Blue and Stool, but it's just not working.
Full Frontal Blewdity - The Blew Boy Blowing the Blues
Side view of the Blew Boy. Notice the oh so with-it pony-tail that he's wearing. Tres cool.
The Blew Boy Showing off his Hip, With-It Pony-Tail
Cool blues players like Blew Boy try to stay in the city when the play. Suburbs? OMG!
Another 3/4 View of our Favorite Blew Boy
The Blew Boy's schedule for 2012 is wide open. Book your concert, wedding or Bar Mitzvah now, and get a 25% discount! And for a small additional fee, he'll bring along his Blew Rhythm Section and Blew Girl Vocalist! Call Now for a Quote!
One Final Fantasy Closeup - The Blew Boy Blowing the Blues

 

September 2011 - The Bobbsey Twins From Planet A10!!!
(Watch Out! They're coming with their Parents!)

The Bobbsey Twins are through with Finishing School!
See the luster of their shared hair?
Bobbsey Twins from Planet A10 - A Surreal Sculpture
You may notice an updated base for the finished Bobbseys; it has everything to do with fashion trends on Planet A10 and nothing to do with a fit of OCD by the Sculptor
Bobbsey Twins from Planet A10 - A Surreal Sculpture
Three-Quarters tushie view of the Twins.
Bobbsey Twins from Planet A10 - A Surreal Sculpture
Notice that both parents wear Baby-Blue lipstick. Once again, everything to do with A10 fashion-forwardness, and nothing to do with the color-blindedness of forementioned Sculptor.
Bobbsey Twins from Planet A10 - A Surreal Sculpture
Planet A10 men find ruddily-complected women quite attractive. Many A10 women with fair complexions will get monthly Bo-Ruddy-Tox injections to stay appealing.
Bobbsey Twins from Planet A10 - A Surreal Sculpture
We can only hope and pray that our Planet Earth teens and tweens don't go for the same eye-shading fashionista trends that are currently all the rage on Planet A10.
Bobbsey Twins from Planet A10 - A Surreal Sculpture
Another 3/4 tushie view; in case you hadn't noticed, Planet A10 is a very tushie-o-centric culture.
Bobbsey Twins from Planet A10 - A Surreal Sculpture
One would think a doctor could help separate these twins at the hair follicle, but apparently their follicles include brain cells, crucial for thinking and stuff.
Bobbsey Twins from Planet A10 - A Surreal Sculpture
A close-up of one of the parent. Since both genders wear their hair long and use the same eye-liner and lipstick, it's often difficult for a Bobbsey to tell Mom from Dad.
Bobbsey Twins from Planet A10 - A Surreal Sculpture
We're pretty sure this is Gertrude Bobbsey, not Irma. Pretty sure. Relatively sure. OK, we have no clue. They switch eye-shading just to keep us guessing.
Bobbsey Twins from Planet A10 - A Surreal Sculpture

 

 

About To Enter The Kiln - June 2011

!!! The Bobbsey Twins From Planet A10 !!!

Another alert from Planet A10! This time, it's their version of the Bobbsey Twins. They're visiting our planets along with their parents. They had a hard landing, and their base blew up, but repairs are being made as we speak.

Why did they come here, you ask? We are uncertain at this time; it may be an innocent visit to enjoy the wonders of our planet, or it may be an insidious attempt to overthrow our government while the A10 Diplomats disengenuously feign interest in continuing negoiations. But HAH! We're onto them! And we're terribly pleased with ourselves for crowbarring insidious, disengenuous and feign into the same sentence. Pretty impressive, no?

(Click any picture below to open a larger image)
These young tweens share their hair with each other. And their parents are all wound up in it.
Bobbsey Twins from Planet A10 - A Surreal Sculpture
The young lady from "Tangled" is a short-haired Shirley Temple compared to Robert's Bobbseys! (Bobbsi?)
More Bobbsey Twins Hijinx - A Planet A10 Fantasy Sculpture
We're seeing a bit too much tushie from this view; parents, instruct your children to leave the room when viewing this image.
R-Rated Bobbsey Twins - The Tushie View
A close up of one of the Bobbsey Twins. You can tell this is Irma Bobbsey, and not Gertrude Bobbsey, by the pair of sissors that are always dangling just behind her.
Irma Bobbsey - The Forgotten Twin

 

January 2011- Diplomats From Planet A10

An important event took place back in January: Diplomats from Planet A10 had arrived via TSRC (Time-Space Roller Coaster: The Sculptor Bobby is pictured riding just such a device)!!!

They were dressed for this high level meeting wearing their finest jacket, shirt and a most fashionable Tie (When you take a closer look at the tie, notice the various shapes and colors; given Bobby’s eating habits, most – if not all – are likely soup stains).

With the Diplomats came three Trolls from the lava beds that are deep in the far reaches of their planet. These trolls act as guards; if anything goes haywire on the trip, these fearsome creatures, existing on the backs of the heads of the Diplomats, will step in and create calm where panic and chaos once reigned.

The two Diplomats on the right side have the same nose and may be related. The Diplomat on the left side was sent by their T Party, and looks to have a problem concentrating. They are here to discuss the possibility of having a trade agreement arranged so that they can ship their excess population to our planet!

(Click any picture below to open a larger image)
Fantasy Sculpture - Diplomats from Planet A10
Robert Riding the Planet A10 Space-Time Coaster
Full Frontal Fantasy Sculpture - Diplomats from Planet A10
The Much-Maligned Fantasy Tie of the Diplomats from Planet A10
Three Quarters View - Diplomats from Planet A10
Right-Side View - Diplomats from Planet A10
Closeup - Diplomats from Planet A9
Dorsal View - Trolls on Patrol from Planet A10
Closeup - Trolls on Alert from Planet A10
Another View of the Trolls from Planet A10
Three Quarters View - Planet A10 Diplomats
Diplomatic Close-up of a Planet A10 Official
Surrealistic Closeup -  Another Diplomat from Planet A10
One Final Surrealistic Closeup - A Diplomat from Planet A10

The "Before" Version - Diplomats From Planet A10
(Because Sculptures from Planet A9 weren't testing well with the crucial 25-39 year-old Demographic)

These Planet A10 Diplomats are ready to get their colors baked in. Let's contact the media.
Just Before the Kiln - Diplomats from Planet A10 Surreal Sculpture
And where better to bake this astonishing creation than in YOUR NEW KILN!!! That's right, from now on, you'll be kilning in style with the Olympic FL-12E Front-Loading Electric Kiln.
Pre-Kiln Diplomats from Planet A10 next to YOUR NEW KILN!!

 

Surreal Sculptures Recently Extracted

April 2010
Bringing Up Babies on Planet A9
(Planet A9 Procreators are SO much cooler than those jerks on Planet A10!)

Those A10 weenies birth kids via some weird bug. How stupid is that?
Fantasy Sculpture - Bringing Up Babies on Planet A9
On A9, we unscrew our kids out of the ground!!!
Fantasy Sculpture - Bringing Up Babies on Planet A9
Just the way All-Seer Ooogle-Boogle intended!! Hah!
Right Side of Bringing Up Babies on Planet A9
This side view provides a clear example of the posture problems Planet A9 residents face.
Side View - Surreal Sculpture Bringing Up Babies on Planet A9
And notice how the kids get unscrewed as the come out? On A10 they get all screwed up!
Screwing In the Kids - Bringing Up Babies on Planet A9
<Can you tell that the Planet A9 residents have a HUGE inferiority complex?>
Another in a Series of Views of the Fantasy Sculpture Bringing Up Babies on Planet A9
One FINAL A9/A10 comparison;
we screw our kids out CLOCKWISE.
THEY do COUNTER-clockwise.
Yikes! Another View of the 'Bringing Up Babies' Fantasy Sculpture
One good aspect of the birthing process; very little schmutz on the ground afterwards.
Fantasy Sculpture - Brining Up Babies on Planet A9
You have to respect a race that is so
"Do-It-Yourself" oriented.
Fantasy Sculpture - Brining Up Babies on Planet A9
Faces are on BOTH sides of the child's head, but only on ONE side of the parent's.
Fantasy Sculpture - Brining Up Babies on Planet A9
The kid's hair comes out this way. Planet A9 parents NEVER pay for haircuts.
Fantasy Sculpture - Brining Up Babies on Planet A9
See the look of surprise on this parent's face? She was expecting a girl...
Fantasy Sculpture - Brining Up Babies on Planet A9
They'd already named her and picked out nice formaldehyde-colored outfits
(Formaldehyde = Pink on Planet A9).
Fantasy Sculpture - Brining Up Babies on Planet A9
This guy is NOT going to happy with the name "Gertrude". Not happy at all.
Fantasy Sculpture - Brining Up Babies on Planet A9
And th-th-that's the way it is on Planet A9. Happy Birthing to You, Too!!!
Fantasy Sculpture - Brining Up Babies on Planet A9

 


 

November of 2009
Procreation on Planet A10

(You don't even want to KNOW how it happens on Planet A9!)

Click on any image below for a larger view
Yeah, that's right. Mommy's got a creature for a womb; you gotta problem with that?
Procreation on Planet A10 Fantasy Sculpture - Right Side
Where does the baby gestate, you ask? How embarassing for you! Kids on Planet A10 learn about THAT in 2nd Grade!!!
Procreation on Planet A10 Fantasy Sculpture - Left Side
And yes, as a matter of fact, the baby IS extracted via the belly button. But only when an emergency planetA10-section is required.
Procreation on Planet A10 Fantasy Sculpture - Left 3/4 View
Think of it less as a pregnancy and more as a competition pitting mom against baby against creature.
Procreation on Planet A10 Fantasy Sculpture - Right 3/4 View
Interestingly, the creature isn't just part of the womb, but also a sort of Planet A10 mid-wife. Actually, think of it as a cross between a mid-wife and a pre-natal life coach.
Procreation on Planet A10 Sculpture - Right Side
This particular creature was trained at Planet A10's prestigious University of WombMaster Technology,
aka "Bug Tech".
Procreation on Planet A10 Sculpture - Right Side
And look how CUTE Baby looks in his genuine
Louis Vitton knicker neck-tie!
Procreation on Planet A10 Sculpture - Right Side
Mother wears a matching neck-tie during baby extraction. Birthing is a very formal affair on Planet A10.
Procreation on Planet A10 Sculpture - Right Side
Your Clever Procreation-based Advertisement Here!!!
(They're even feeling the effects of the recession on Planet A10!!!)
Procreation on Planet A10 Sculpture - Right Side
What, no worry wrinkles? No frown-lines? It's unfortunate that Mom felt the need to inject botox into herself this soon after giving birth...
Procreation on Planet A10 Sculpture - Right Side


March 2009

Martian Dragon Giving Birth to Triplets
Take THAT, Octo-Mom!!!!


Dragon Sculpture from October 2008

The Tres Dragones!!!
("The Three Amigos" was already taken)

Fantasy Elephant Sculpture From October 2008

Rampaging Elephants recently found in the Northridge Highlands
Will the San Fernando Valley never be rid of this Public Nuisance?
Elephant Sculpture of the Northridge Highlands by Dentist-turned-Sculptor Robert Bleier
Elephant Sculpture of the San Fernando Valley by Dentist-turned-Sculptor Robert Bleier

 

Surreal Close Encounter Sculpture from January 2008

Close Encounters of a Deadly Kind
(This is what happens when Penguins go for a dip alone)

 


 

Sculpture with a Decidedly Surreal Bent From August 2007

Metamorphic
(A Screamingly Shocking Dragon-Munch-Beast)

 

Dragon Sculptures From May 2007

Irish Dragon: Before...
(Your favorite "Enter the Irish Dragon" joke here!)
...and After!
(Now, how do you like me?!?!)

 

 

Equine-Beasts, Reclining Nudes & Multi-Headed Creatures
Dr. Bleier's sculptures have won him neighborhood acclaim. We present some of the most well-received pieces here.
Click on any sculpture to see a larger image of it!

The October 2006 Dragon!
(This one started the Entire Dragon Craze!)

 


News-Flash!
Bobby's Multi-Instrumentalist Musician-Beast Sculpture is Entered in an Art Exhibit!

(Robert Bleier's April 2006 creation displayed for public-gawking during the 2007 AMOCA "Extreme Clay" Art Exhibit!)

This multi-instrumentalist Musician-Beast Sculpture is available for Weddings & Bar Mitzvahs! Book your event early; July weekends are nearly filled!
Fantasy Sculpture of a Many-Headed Musician Front View
And what's going on with this beast's back? Is that a multi-valved Hawaiian Bone-aphone?
Fantasy Sculpture of a Many-Headed Musician Side View

Equine Sculptures (Equine means 'Horse' in some dead European language)

Three-Headed Rabid Equine-beast Sculpture with Pretty Collar
Three-Headed Horse Sculpture (terribly cool view)
Mother-Daughter Equine-beast Share Love & Internal Organs
Two-Headed Horse Sculpture sharing love (and internal organs)
Another view of the Three-Headed Rabid Equine-beast Sculpture (with matching Leg-Face)
Another view of the Three-Headed Horse Sculpture (more nuanced, less cool view)
Multi-Headed Coffee-Table Conversation-Beasts
2 Headed Horse Sculpture on a Coffee Table

 

The Blue Period (Picasso was a panty-waist!)

Just out for the Fall Line-up of Twisted Beasts! This 2005 model reinvents the entire Bleier Dragon Line!
Chinese Dragon Sculpture Front View
Be the first on your block to own this new model, the Frightening (In a somewhat Comedic Way) Mult-headed 2005 Dragon (Reverse View).
Chinese Dragon Sculpture Reverse View
Pegasus-like Horse-Creature (with Wings!)
Pegasus Horse Sculpture
A Tri-Headed Cat-Like Being from another Dimension!
Three-Headed Cat Sculpture Front View
Dorsal View of Same Cat-Like Anti-Dimensional Being...
Three-Headed Cat Sculpture Dorsal View
Hey, Rocky, Watch me Pull a Chicken's Head out of my Sculpture!
Two-Headed Chicken Sculpture
Ancient Horse with Ornate Saddle
Older, shorter horse sculpture
Less Ancient Charcoal-Flavored Horse
Newer, Charcoal-Flavored Horse Sculpture
Prelude to a 2-Headed Equine-Beast
Tall Two-Headed Horse Sculpture
Little 2-Headed Equine-Beast, Short & Stout
Shorter Two-Headed Horse Sculpture

Reclining Nudes R Us (If you were nude, wouldn't you recline?)

Reclining Woman with Matching Mint Tray
Reclining Nude Sculpture
Semi-Reclining Woman Near Asian Wall Print
2nd in a series of Reclinging Nude Sculptures
Would it have killed this Reclining Nude to put on a bathrobe before posing?
An outdoor version of the age-old recling nude sculpture

 

Reefer Madness (Was an illegal substance partly responsible for these sculptures ? You be the judge!)

Beak-Faced Bird-Dude with Minimalist Wood-Block Man-Dude
Beaked Man Sculpture next to a long-faced Man Sculpture
Mayan Duck-Like Creatures!! Get them OFF me!!! Get them OFF me!!!
The Infamous Mayan Duck Sculpture
OK, this is just, like, totally twisted, OK?
Bird-Faced Woman Sculpture
The emaciated family that purges together deteriorates outdoors together.
Outdoor Family Sculpture
Anonymous Female Bust atop Out-of-Tune, Upright Piano
Man - Possibly Anonymous Woman's Dude - Ruminating on Same Upright
Male Head Sculpture